In November of last year, I felt a lump after a yoga class, but it was very high up on my chest and felt like bone. I didn’t think much of it originally, but after it started to hurt (usually not true of breast cancer), I made an appointment with the doctor to get it checked. Originally, I was a bit embarrassed to go in, expecting the doctor would say something like “No, this is nothing–you just pulled something in yoga class. Cancer doesn’t hurt.” Luckily, though, I did go in, and the doctor, even though she agreed it was probably nothing, sent me for diagnostic imaging. It turned out that we were both wrong. It was something. On November 24th, 2024, I was told I had breast cancer, and soon after that, I learned it was stage 3b triple positive that went into my chest wall.
This past year has been extremely difficult and a rollercoaster of emotions. The diagnosis and the month or so after was by far the worst, though, because of the unknowns. My husband and I were also scrambling to get me new insurance so that I could go to UCSD after two doctors at Kaiser literally told us that no one there had experience with breast cancer that went into the chest wall like mine does. That made us extremely uneasy to say the least. I was crying all the time and dealing with major depression, so my husband took the lead and bought me additional insurance to transfer to UCSD.
In the past year, I have had six rounds of TCHP chemo, a double mastectomy, 28 rounds of radiation, 8 of 14 rounds of kadcyla, and am now finishing with herceptin and perjeta after my liver was damaged from kadcyla. I also take daily medication and have to get Lupron injections monthly. To say it is a lot is a major understatement. I feel like I am always tired and have trouble fully enjoying activities. Cancer is always in the back of my mind.
I have an amazing support group of friends and family, but no one really understands what I’m going through besides other survivors, which feels isolating at times. The fatigue, disinterest in activities, fear of recurrence–these are things that only survivors truly understand, which is why I have joined a few support groups. Even though these can cause me more anxiety at times, they have been really helpful when I have questions or just want to talk to others who can relate.
One thing I have learned in the past year is that I am stronger than I would have ever thought. I hold it together for my family, most importantly for my two beautiful daughters, and I put one foot in front of the other each day and keep going. One of my favorite quotes that I have read during this time is from MLK, “Focus on the step in front of you, not the whole staircase.” I am trying to live by that and take this journey one step at a time.